What Do You See?

It can seem inexplicable that the world today has so many leaders doing things we disagree with, knowing (as we often think we do) how things should be done!

More disturbing maybe is when their ‘spin’ is so removed from what they are doing!  Unfortunately, there is very little we can do about it – except to address what we feel and so how we are impacted.

Intriguingly, we are often more upset by external events when in some way they mirror a part of our own lives, (bear with me here!), when we know how things should look and be done in our own lives, but our actions are not totally aligned with this, or with what we say. We are only 'talking our walk' so to speak. Discomfort is bound to ensue, making us less resilient and more sensitive to being triggered by anything that looks like the cause of our own internal discomfort – even if we are actually unaware of that internal tension.

There’s a story about generosity that illustrates how difficult it can be to practice what we preach. The story is about a priest who was travelling round the farming community he served, visiting his parishioners. One group of farmers was particularly engaging and he spent some time preaching about the virtues of generosity, charity, and kindness. Finally, he asked them all to imagine they had one more car than they needed. Then he asked them what they would do with the extra car. One of the farmers immediately responded enthusiastically; “I would give it away to someone who needed it.”

“Now that’s what I call charitable!” the priest exclaimed. “And what if you had two houses? What would you do with the second one?”

“I would give the second one to homeless people,” replied the farmer at once eager to please.

“The spirit of generosity indeed!” the priest smiled with approval. “What if you had two chickens,” he continued, “what would you do?”

The farmer became suddenly serious. “Why I would keep them both!” he retorted.

“Now why would you, who have been so kind-hearted with great things, all of a sudden cease being generous when it comes to a couple of small chickens?” asked the priest

The farmer replied, “Because I have two chickens!”

Such a great illustration of how we humans can find it difficult to live according to what we ‘preach’ – to ‘walk our talk’ – especially when our brain activates insecurities, old emotional fear patterns and self-preservation! The thing is, when that happens, we feel uncomfortable and unhappy because on some level we know we are not living in alignment with our values, nor are we tuning in to our core selves.

The very good news is that research is repeatedly showing us that it’s all in the wiring of the brain – AND that we do have the capacity to take charge and change our wiring – to live and be what we really want to be! In the case of the farmer (if he indeed was really as generous as he professed to be) to give away that second chicken might be easier if he had trust and confidence in his own capabilities to meet his needs. Certainly, being aware of the discrepancy would be a good start!

For us today, the first step is likewise to become aware of our own internal tensions and resulting perspective; When you feel emotional discomfort or upset at events you have no power over, ask yourself where in your life this discrepancy might apply?

Whether you discover a correlation or not, at home or at work, how can you shift your perspective so you can be aligned with your own core values and your ‘talk’?

If you find a discrepancy or disagreement with colleagues or your children or partner, how might you examine your perspective so you can honour your own authenticity and values while respecting theirs?

As my 9-year-old granddaughter recently quoted to me: “It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”

To learn more about coaching and resources that can ‘change your wiring’, and help you ‘walk your talk’ – including our new research-based program designed exclusively for career women with children -, contact us here.